The Woods? Oh Really?

I wonder how some RV Parks come up with their names. Take for instance our stay in Montgomery, Alabama at a place called “The Woods”. Judging by the name you’d guess you’d be in the middle of a forest with rustling leaves, chirping birds, complaining squirrels, and no satellite connectivity.

But you’d be wrong.

We've stayed at this park previously when it still seemed relatively new. The RV park was basically a quarter mile square lot, laid out with about 10 rows of one-way gravel roads that led to about 100 pull-through RV sites also on gravel. And just a few saplings that hope d to grow into full-fledged trees one day.

Now three years after we first stayed here, I expected those saplings to be reaching for the sky in their best imitation of tree.

But no.

The place is unfortunately still pretty barren; so I wonder why it’s called “The Woods”? 

Oh sure, I can see that it was carved out of an area that was once an entire tree filled lot, but those trees were cut and bulldozed leaving just the remnants of the red dirt that Alabama is notorious for. At one time it was probably legitimate to call this place “The Woods” because it really was the woods. It was the boonies, even though it was just a couple of hundred yards from the major north/south Interstate through Alabama, and just a hundred yards from a Waffle House, an Arby’s, a McDonald’s, a Kentucky Fried Chicken, a Taco Bell, a couple of gas stations, convenience store and across the street from a truck stop.

The grass has a hard time growing here, it seems like it doesn’t want to intrude on what was once the trees domain. You’d think with all the rain we experienced here the grass would at least encroach and begin to dominate the area offering a reasonable semblance of a conflict much like an Auburn vs. Alabama football rivalry. But the grass just rolls over and dies. The only living thing that thrives here are the red ants.

These critters don’t put up with anything. They dominate everything.  After Armageddon it will be the red ants looking over their realm and feeling content that in the end, they won.

As I was walking Frick and Frack, aka Molly and Coco, through the park so they could do their “business”, when I was greeted by a woman coming out of a trailer that had not been on any kind road since the first Bush was president. This was permanent resident of the park.  I’m guessing the woman was about my age, but it was hard to tell; she had long flowing grey hair almost to her butt, granny glasses, but a definite absence of teeth and, of course, a cigarette hanging from her lips. Think hillbilly.

She liked my dogs and wanted to know what kind they were. I almost got the entire breed name out, miniature schnauzer and a miniature schnauzer/Brussels griffon mix, when she went into a diatribe about the red ants, and how bad they were this year, and how once a month she goes to buy some lethal poison to annihilate them in the proximity of her yard.

Apparently she didn’t get out much. She was just happy to see a person walk by. Under normal circumstances the dogs are very gregarious and will greet most anyone who comes within sniffing distance, but even they sensed something not 100% copasetic about this human-like form before them. Maybe she was just showing me her Southern hospitality, but I felt I was being approached by the woman in the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale.

I used my Northern charm to convey the importance of my returning to my trailer before said Armageddon. And left her sucking on her cancer stick.

Maybe that’s why this place is really called “The Woods”. It’s a tribute to the residents of the area. If you've ever seen the movie “Deliverance” you’ll have a better understanding of my thought process.